I had tea last week with a mentor I've known for over a decade. It made me realize — I actually have quite a few of those. People I've stayed close with through job changes, life transitions, years of not being in the same city. And a friend recently asked me how.
Honestly? I don't think it's a strategy. The professional relationships that last aren't built on mutual benefit alone. They're built on some kind of genuine resonance — where the other person sees something in you that they recognize, something that reminds them of who they were earlier in their career. Grit, curiosity, a refusal to take the easy path. You can't manufacture that. People can tell.
What kills relationships faster than anything is showing up only when you need something. I've had students ask me for referrals, get the intro, and then never tell me what happened — I found out through the grapevine that they'd rejected the offer or taken something else entirely. That's not just awkward for me personally. Over time, that pattern reflects on our broader community and makes it harder for the next person who needs help.
The best time to reach out to someone is when you don't need anything from them. When they're going through a rough patch, a "thinking of you" message means more than you'd think. When they hit a milestone — a new job, a baby, a big announcement — a genuine congratulations goes a long way. A small gift around the holidays. None of it takes much, and all of it adds up.
The other thing: if you come into a relationship actually curious about the other person — not just their title or their connections, but who they are and what they've been through — you'll naturally have more to talk about over time. The conversations go deeper. And deeper conversations are what turn a contact into someone who actually wants to see you succeed.
I stay involved with my alma mater's mentorship program because I benefited from it. Simple as that. The mentors worth having aren't withholding — they've just been burned enough times that they're selective. Be someone worth being selective about, and look for ways to give when you can. It comes back around in ways you won't always be able to predict.
© 2026 Rachel Hong · Accelerator Consulting