Let me be upfront: I'm not naturally the most outgoing person in a room. I don't light up at the thought of walking into a party full of strangers, making small talk, and collecting business cards. And I know a lot of people feel the same way. But networking has been one of the most important things in my career — most of my best opportunities didn't come from job boards, they came from relationships. So I had to figure out how to do this in a way that actually worked for me. Here's what I've learned.
The biggest mindset shift is this: networking is not about working a room, impressing strangers, or collecting contacts. It's about building real relationships over time with people who share your interests or work in areas you care about. When you think about it that way, it becomes a lot less performative. You're not trying to be someone you're not — you're just having genuine conversations, some of which might lead somewhere. Introverts are often actually great at this. We tend to listen well, ask thoughtful questions, and stay present in a conversation rather than scanning the room for the next person to talk to. Those are networking superpowers.
For in-person events, the key is strategy and permission to be selective. You don't need to talk to everyone. You don't need to stay the whole time. Decide before you walk in: I'm going to have two or three real conversations, and then I can leave. That's a success. Go to the food or drink area — it's a natural gathering spot and gives you something to do with your hands. Look for someone who also looks slightly awkward or alone; they're in the same position and would probably appreciate someone coming over to say hi. Use context as your opener: at a conference, "what brought you to this one?" is easy and low-stakes. And give yourself permission to have a short conversation. Not every exchange needs to last 30 minutes. A genuine 5-10 minute chat, exchanging contact info if it felt natural, and then moving on — that counts.
Small talk isn't pointless — it's how real conversations start. A lot of introverts dislike it because it feels shallow, but the reframe is this: small talk isn't about the content of the conversation, it's about building social comfort so a deeper exchange can happen. The formula is simple: ask an open question, listen genuinely, find the thread that interests you both, and follow it. You can also bring up something that genuinely interests you — "I've been thinking a lot about [topic] lately, do you have any thoughts on that?" Conversations that go somewhere interesting usually start with real curiosity, not polished small talk.
One thing that shifted my approach: American professional networking has some specific cultural norms worth understanding. Americans tend to be warm and open upfront in ways that can feel like close friendship but often aren't — "let's grab coffee sometime!" means "I'm open to it if you follow up," not "I'll reach out." So follow up. Showing genuine enthusiasm is valued and reads as confident, not pushy. And reciprocity matters — good networking isn't just about what you can get. Even early in your career, you have things to offer: your energy, your perspective, articles you can share, connections you can make. Come into it as a giver, and the relationships you build will be real ones. Follow me for more networking advice that actually works for real people.
© 2026 Rachel Hong · Accelerator Consulting