Most people leave jobs because of their manager. I've heard this in research, I've seen it with my coaching clients, and honestly I've lived it. Not every undermining boss is the same, though, and knowing the difference changes how you respond.
First, make sure you're actually being held back rather than just being challenged. A manager who's hard on you but still promotes you, gives you raises, and advocates for you behind the scenes is a different animal from one who's actively blocking your growth. The truly undermining manager isn't just verbally critical — they block your visibility, shut down lateral moves, and make it difficult for you to leave. If that's your situation, the honest answer is: start looking for your next role. There's no good way to fix a manager who's deeply threatened by you.
If the behavior is more sporadic — occasional criticism, sometimes dismissive — there are usually identifiable reasons. Maybe your manager is only one level above you and is anxious about you catching up. Maybe you've built a relationship with senior leadership and they feel like you're competing for the same approval. Maybe they came in as an external hire and you're the established employee who knows more about the actual work. In all of these cases, there's a real power dynamic driving the behavior, and understanding it helps you navigate more strategically instead of just reacting.
There's also a type of manager who criticizes because they genuinely don't know how to lead any other way — they grew up in environments where they weren't encouraged, so they replicate that model. If this person isn't actively malicious and does value your work, you can influence the dynamic through positive reinforcement. When they say something constructive or give even small recognition, respond warmly: "Thank you, that kind of feedback really helps me." You're teaching them, over time, what behaviors get a positive response from you. It sounds almost too simple, but it works.
Across all of these scenarios, the same principle applies: don't go head-to-head with your manager just to win a moment. Understand what they want and what they fear. Play the long game. Your reputation and performance will outlast any difficult manager.
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