Over the past few months, I've had back-to-back coaching calls with clients describing the exact same situation: a manager who tears down their work, keeps moving the goalposts, and never gives credit. They come to me asking whether they should quit — and if so, how. If they stay, they don't know how to cope. If they leave, they don't know how to set themselves up first.
Why this is especially common in Chinese-owned companies
A significant number of my clients work for Chinese-owned or Chinese-led companies. The pattern they describe is consistent: their Chinese manager treats Chinese employees more harshly than people of other backgrounds. The unspoken logic seems to be "you're one of us, so I don't need to be careful with you." Non-Asian colleagues get more measured feedback and more diplomatic communication. Being an insider, counterintuitively, makes you the one who absorbs the most pressure.
There's another layer that most people don't think about: a lot of this behavior isn't calculated cruelty — it's a product of how these managers were trained, or more accurately, how they weren't. In American workplaces, giving feedback is a skill you learn — constructive framing, leading with positives, focusing on behavior rather than character. But a manager who grew up in an environment where harsh criticism was considered responsible leadership, and where toughening up your team meant putting pressure on them, may never have been exposed to any of this. They're not deliberately trying to break you down. They're just managing the only way they know how. That doesn't make the impact any less real. But understanding it can help you stop asking "what did I do wrong?" — because often, the way they talk to you has almost nothing to do with your actual performance.
Visa status makes everything harder. If your H-1B or green card sponsorship is tied to this employer, you have less room to push back. That power imbalance is real, and some managers — consciously or not — use it to keep employees from speaking up.
Marketing roles in these companies come with another specific problem: managers without a marketing background tend to dump everything undefined onto the marketing person — sales support, customer service, content, data analysis, performance reporting. The scope is unreasonable to begin with, the targets keep shifting, and you end up perpetually behind on goals that were never realistic.
The single most important thing you can do right now: create a paper trail
Start moving everything important into writing. After every verbal conversation where expectations are set, send a follow-up email: "Just confirming — you'd like me to have X done by Y date." It looks harmless. But it's a complete record. If your manager ever challenges your performance, you have documentation. If things escalate to HR or legal, those emails are invaluable. Don't wait until things get bad to start doing this — start today.
If the stress is affecting your health, you have legal options
Most people don't know this: in the US, if workplace stress has significantly impacted your mental health and been documented by a doctor, you may qualify for an ADA accommodation. Some states — including New York, New Jersey, and California — and many employers also offer short-term disability insurance. FMLA is another option: it provides up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for serious health conditions, including mental health. All of these require written documentation from a doctor or mental health professional. If you're already seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, make sure those records are in order — these are real legal protections, and they're worth knowing about.
Before you decide anything, calculate your leverage
This is the step most people skip. Before you decide whether to stay or go, take a clear-eyed look at how hard you actually are to replace.
If you're doing the work of two people, do the math: what would it cost your manager to hire a contractor to cover what you're currently doing beyond your core role? What are you saving them annually just by absorbing that extra scope?
If you're in paid media or any other measurable function, you can be even more specific: add up your salary, benefits, H-1B sponsorship costs, and the ad budget you manage. Compare that total to the revenue your campaigns generate. If your ads bring in millions and your all-in cost is a fraction of that, you are not easily replaceable in the short term.
Managers are pragmatic. Before cutting someone, they ask: can I find someone better and cheaper quickly, or will this role go unfilled for months? If you're genuinely hard to replace, you have more runway than you think. As long as you can compartmentalize — not let the manager's behavior get inside your head and affect your judgment — you can give yourself enough time to job search strategically while still employed.
If you're ready to leave, do it from a position of strength
A lot of people make the decision to quit when they're at their lowest, then discover the next job isn't any better. I understand the impulse — but quitting in crisis mode rarely leads to a good outcome.
Before you make any moves, ask yourself: How long can your savings cover a gap? What's your H-1B or green card timeline, and can a new company take over the sponsorship? Is your resume current? Are you actively interviewing?
The strongest position you can be in is: employed, with an offer in hand, negotiating from choice rather than desperation. That's the version of this transition where you have real leverage. If you've truly reached your limit and need to leave without something lined up, that's a valid call — but I'd encourage you to talk it through with a career coach first so you understand all your options before you commit. If you have questions about your specific situation, feel free to reach out — this is exactly what I work through with clients one-on-one.
© 2026 Rachel Hong · Accelerator Consulting